Questions that occupy me.

Finding myself incompetent to allocate my given time, I cannot write awesome short-stories like my friend (ok, I will be honest, maybe time is not the only factor). He is a true talent in my opinion. Partly the fact that I admire him as a friend can eliminate my eligibility to be a nonpartisan critic, but nevertheless I am a person just like any other, a true admirer of beauty. Enough about him and my excuse, I would like to share gist of thoughts that occupy me these days. Remember, I quit drinking and most of my social life which dwelled on indulgence of alcohol and vain worries, or for me it seemed. Naturally, I have more time to worry about which seems harder to solve.

Why do we live as if we are going to live forever?
Why do we live as if more wealth will lead to successful life?
And for that such purpose, why do we neglect our present?
For that matter, are we, the human race, designed to live in the past, present, or future?
Why do we think to ourselves, if I was in that admiring person's shoes, my life will be complete?
And ungratefully oblivious to the fact that we are at present living someone else's dream?
When did we become so self-centered? Did the society persuade us into believing so, or the other way around?
Why do we habitually sponsor the phrase, "only God can judge me" when we don't actually believe in Him?
Also, why do we think we are so special that only God can judge us when we judge others perpetually (how they look, what family, school, occupation, social status they come from?).

But for those who are rare in this world, who give up the "norms" of modern "philosophy" of humanity, I am honestly blown by the fact that they gave up "successful" life for the cause of others' welfare. What did they read? What they think? What did they eat? Who are their parents? What was their childhood like? What they believe in? What was their disease? What the hell was wrong with them? I am struggling to know, and yet I am not fully convicted. My mind's solitary confinement has led me to turn my perspectives to these rare few, while this would not have happened if I was still getting wasted by my past preference of life. I am not saying I am convicted to do and know what's better in life, nor do I think different people's life motivations are not legit. But let's stop and think about above questions and critically compare ourselves amongst each other.

"I want a big house, I want a fast car, I want the job, I want a trophy wife, I want to be famous, I want to be rich, I want to live long," says the most.

"I want you to have shelter, I want you be able to walk, I want you to have a job, I want you to have love, I want you to be treated with respect, I want you to have foods for your family, I want you to be healthy, I want you to live life," says the rare few.

Priest and doctor: Lee, Tae-suk

Dr. Albert Schuweitzer

Right: Jim Elliot and his friends

Jesus

(the few of the fews)

Love

So many people hold many different definitions of love. For example, love is sweet, love is great, love is sacrificial, love is being willing to die for, or live for, and etc. Well, this is mine.

"I am fully convicted of my iniquities and the burden of guilt that invariably follows, yet He sentenced me Love."

-IJSY

(nice~ huh? yea... i know.)

Here's a new trial.

So, after being bombarded with inspirations of many talents who express appreciations for God, I decided to do something new myself. I started writing poem. Although, it's not my first time writing it, it is my first time to take it seriously and to glorify someone special in my life.


Ugly


Seamless pain,
How they've stitched over you.
Again, and again,
Holes not too few.

Becoming the other,
You are who you became.
Abhorred by the others,
You drown in shame.

Spoiled and rotten is your soul
Foul stench from the deepest core
Inevitable fumes from the holes
You tremble despondently with gore

How pity, no one understood
The agonies that brought you to now
No one received or gave when they could
So you stopped wondering "how"

Time to close your eyes
As the light submerges
You will disappear to no one's surprise
But it is never too late for the prize
For He can converge as your beauty emerges

errr...

It's been a while since put up my last post. I truly aplogize to my fans... all 11 of them... despite my conscious telling me that now I lost them all... I put up this post in dim hope of reconciliation... (I'm so full of myself, haha... ha...). Anyways, I been preoccupied with my studies and work so I don't even have time to go to coffee shops, which is my daily pleasure and probably the climax of all my inspirations of thoughts, ideas, anc etc. Today, I'm not at the coffee shop, so this is not one of my regular works. However,I just would like to share some of the songs I listen to these days--music definitely inspires many, and I am one of the many.

Ps. It's funny how certain types of music which I used to consider inferior and superior are totally reversed.

DFD (if you are from LA, you should know him)

- "Walking in the Rain"

- "Different Galaxies"ft. Sam Ock

- "Love Psycle"

- "Medicine"

Trip Lee (do not underrate X-ian hip hop, if you must, do so after these)

- "Bear With You" ft. Tedashii

- "Cling to You"

- "Snitch"

- "No Worries"

- "Twisted" ft. Lecrae, Pro, Thi'sl

- "Invade" ft. J. Paul

- "Inexhaustible"

- "Show's Over" ft. Mitch Parks

- "Superstar"

- "Limitation" ft. Leah Smith

Decipher (another underrated Korean underground artist)

- "There She Goes"

- "Sinner's Prayer"

- "Catch Me If You Can" Remix ft. Ailee 

Once Upon at Pascucci...

            So, out of ideas and inspiration, I patiently carry on this covert operation of eavesdropping my table’s neighbors at Pascucci. Weather is below seven degrees celsius but the excruciating wind, seems, can chill every corner of the body. It is even colder because of the gloomy sketches on the sky, grey pastel as foundation, and mixture of white and dark blue pencils.

At about 5:30 pm she said, “씨발 좆나 추워, 너 오늘 볼꺼야?”

                       (Fuck, it’s so fuckn’ cold. So are you going to see him?)

“누구, 남친? 당연히 봐야지,” said her company.

(Who? My boyfriend? Of course.)

“개 부럽다, 날씨도 추운데. 그나저나 오늘 교정했는데… 미친 개… 씨발 좆나 박아데더라.”

(Fuck, so jealous. It’s getting cold. Anyways, I got braces today… Fuckn’ bitch, I swear they were drilling the shit out)

“늙은 나이에 그 지랄하느라 개고생한데, 쯧,쯧,쯧.”

(Pity that you have to go through such a hellish ordeal at such an old age, tsk, tsk, tsk.)

They both look at least two years younger than me.

“야, 주위에 괜찮은 남자 없냐? 씨발, 친구는 이 추위에 외롭고 추운데, 친구라는 년은 지 남친있다고 좆나 따뜻하냐?”

(Hey, do you know any decent guys around you? Fuck, your friend is suffering this cold with loneliness on top of it, and you are not going do a fucking thing about it?)

“야, 너 지난 번 남친은 괜찮더구만, 왜 헤어졌냐?”, replied her friend.

(Well, your last boy friend was decent. Why did you break up?)

“말도 꺼내지마, 완전 개 싸이코야, 뭘 못해, 좆나 구속해서. 클럽을 지가 싫으면 싫었지 왜 나까지 못가게 하는데? 아, 그 개새끼 말하고 싶지도 않아,” with sigh she lit up another cigarette.

(Don’t even mention him. He is a fuckn’ psycho. He is so possesive, he won’t let me do anything. Why should I not be able to go clubbing just because he does not like going there? Fuck, don’t mention that bitch to me again.") with sigh she lit up another cigarette.

By this time, it seemed as if their table was starting to prepare a barbecue with all the cigrette smoke lingering in the air. Their ash tray resembling a teepee with piled up cigarettes, and I could not help but to illustrate a small indian village strating a fire inside as I seldom surreptitiously stared.

“크크 그건 니가 맨날 가서 원나잇해서 그렇지,” amusingly she scolded.

(Haha, that’s because you always end up having one night stands with other guys everytime you go clubbing.)

“야, 그래도 한번도 안 걸렸어… 확실히는… 근데 썅, 좆나 신기한게, 남자들도 육감이란게 있나봐,” she said without any feeling of guilt.

(So, I never got caught… completely… but what the fuck? I’m curious do guys have sixth sense too?)

Time passed with other unimportant discourses, my attention span failed by this time and it grasped onto Jason Yang’s chat on facebook.

Sometime later…

“어, 왔다,”  her friend said waving her hand to a man behind the glass wall who just walked into the coffee shop. The single friend moved their ash tray to another table casually.

“어머, 안녕하세요, 전 재영이 친구 세미에요, 얘기 많이 들었어요.”

(Oh, hello. I’m Jae-Young’s friend Sae-Mi, I’ve heard so much about you)

“아, 반갑습니다, 재영이 남자친구 정태에요,” said the new member of the table next to me.

(Nice to meet you, I’m Jae-Young’s boy friend, Jung-Tae.)

“자기야, 이 친구가 내 어릴때부터 단짝친구 세미야. 얘가 제일 착하고 순진해, 자기 친구들중에 괜찮은 친구 있으면 소개 시켜줘,” she stuck to her boyfried like a koala. 

I thought, ‘go figure…”.

(Honey, Sae-Mi is my best friend ever since we were so little. She’s the most kind and innocent friend amongst my friends. If you have a friend who’s decent please introduce him to her.)

“아, 싱글이세요? 왜? 이렇게 미인이신데… 잘 됐네 오늘 있다가 나중에 제 친구와 술한잔해요 괜찮은 놈인데 잘됐다.”

(Huh, you are single? Why, but you are so pretty… perfect, later let’s meet up with my friend and drink. You’ll surely like him, he is most eligible.)

They talked more jibberish. Fakeness and full of vanity, I terminated my mission with satisfying result. As they got up to leave, the girl’s eyes met mine. She looked at me indifferently and hinted me as if to let me know she does not care about having witnessed her true identity. Because, we will most likely never meet again.

‘Wow, so cool,’ I thought sarcastically.

I thought to myself one more time for the guy who was going to get introduced to this two-faced devil, the target of my own espionage mission, ‘GG’. Although successful at unveiling the truth out of her—not that I purposedly did—I felt slightly depressed, as I was watching the empty, cloudy table left occupied no longer. For the men’s society, how oblivious are my brothers to the harsh reality of “love”?

I lit my own cigarette with a grin on my face quickly flashing through my brief experience. Smile so adequately expressed like the conversation above.

6:28 pm.